By Janine Sherman

You and your 12-15-year-old have just come from your second visit to the pediatrician for your daughter’s continued problems with menstrual cramps. They again gave you a prescription for pain medication and also recommended that you take your daughter to a women’s healthcare provider to better deal with this problem.
You asked your pediatrician who you should take her to and he gives you the name of a large Ob/Gyn group and says that they are all good. The gynecologist who delivered your children is in that group. He/she is a great physician; however, is he/she the right one for your teenage daughter? Maybe he/she is but maybe not. The doctor can treat her cramps very competently and you are comfortable because you have known this person for years, but is it really the best choice? In making the decision whom your daughter should see, there are many factors to consider.
First and foremost, it is important to make sure your daughter’s first encounter with a women’s health care provider is a positive one. Of course, you also want to be sure she will be getting the appropriate care. When you think back to your first visit to a gynecologist, how was it? For many women, the first encounter with a women’s health care provider was a negative experience and it set the tone for how they perceive health care for the rest of their life.
Since most gynecologists or other women’s health care providers see women between the ages of 18-50 for their primary care, you want to choose wisely. So, how do you find the right one and how do you prepare your daughter for the visit?

Finding the Right Doctor
Finding the right person may take some ground work, but, to ensure it is a positive experience it is worth the extra effort. Most of the time an appointment like this is not an emergency, so make the effort to find the person who will be the best match for your daughter. Do your homework! Here are some ideas of where to start.
• Talk to your pediatrician. Ask your pediatrician who he/she gets the most positive feedback about. Is there a particular doctor that sees more adolescent patients than others?
• Talk to your gynecologist. Many times if you ask your provider, he/she will honestly tell you who sees the most adolescent patients and who specializes in dealing with this age group.
• Talk to your friends with daughters around the same age. They may have already had a experience that they can share with you.
• Ask your daughter if any of her friends have been to a doctor that they particularly like or dislike. Take into consideration her preferences as well as gender, age, and her maturity level.
Call the school nurse or counselor. They often have a list of people they know who specialize in this age group.

Preparing Your Daughter for the Visit
First of all, if you have had a previous bad experience, now is not the time to share it with her. Remind her that most women don’t love going to a gynecologist’s office but it is important.
If the first appointment is for common problems such as irregular periods or cramps or just a general visit, then for most girls this will not include a pelvic exam. This is something you should ask before scheduling the appointment. Ask to talk to the provider’s medical assistant and ask how often they do pelvic exams on young virginal women. If they say most of the time, find someone else to see your child. A non-invasive abdominal ultrasound can be done if an ovarian or structural problem is suspected. If it is determined that your daughter needs a pelvic exam, and she is not mentally prepared, ask if she can have it done at another appointment.
Help your daughter formulate questions prior to the visit, and go in with your child to meet the provider. Get a sense of how comfortable your daughter is. Encourage your daughter to answer the questions that are asked of her and try not to answer for her unless you need to. After the visit is underway — and if it seems to be going well — excuse yourself and step out of the room for them to talk privately. This is very empowering to a girl because you are saying, “I want you to begin to be in charge of your health care and I trust you.” Reassure your daughter that you will be right outside and if she needs you, you will step back in. At the end of the visit, go over the instructions with them and make sure that neither of you have any questions.
After the appointment, talk to your daughter and get her opinion of how the visit went. Make sure she felt comfortable with the doctor and, if she wasn’t, find out what made her uncomfortable. Praise her for taking her first major step in becoming the person responsible for her health and body. Remember, this whole process can give you great opportunities to talk about health and sex, so make the most of it!

Janine Sherman is an OB/GYN nurse practitioner in Houston, TX, who specializes in caring for teens and their moms. She is also the co-author of the book “Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You & Your Mom.” This easy-to read, lively, down-to-earth book is definitely teen-friendly and is ideal to help both mothers and daughters have engaging conversations about tough topics.
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By Dr. Laura Kastner & Jenny Wyatt

Call it “entitle-mania.” The average American kid has more stuff, wants more stuff and gets away with fewer chores around the house than any previous generation. This trend is not limited to the affluent — it cuts across all socioeconomic classes.

As parents, most of us haven’t made it a priority to train our children to roll up their sleeves and dig into daily household drudgery. The fallout? Many children today feel entitled to all the benefits of family life — without giving much back.

This is a pickle we’ve created. Many parents feel that their children are spoiled to some degree, from “somewhat” to “excessively.” Most are in the “somewhat” category. These children pout and drag their heels, but eventually do some chores.

They collect goodies such as clothes, electronics and athletic gear. Once they reach the teen years, the average kid spends $100 a week, regardless of family income level (Teen Research Unlimited, October 2003).

Kids being kids, they’ll use their verbal and emotional talents to try to persuade parents they have to have something and, likewise, to get off the hook with family jobs. Compared to parents of the 1950s and 1960s, we place more of a value on our children’s feelings than on strict obedience.

When we insist that they pitch in or we deprive them of their wants, they tell us we’re meaner than other parents, that “everybody else has one” or the big showstopper: “My friends feel sorry for me.”

Highly indulged kids are not happy kids. They typically have a false, inflated sense of importance, which is inversely related to genuine self-esteem. Happy kids work toward achieving goals. Research shows that a strong sense of self develops when kids buckle down and master challenges.

Indulging children is too easy. What’s hard is sticking to our guns and making it a priority to teach children the skills they need to delay gratification, to budget resources and to be contributing members of the family.

Chores: a way of life
When parents build chores into the family routine, they are helping their kids build character. This character development instills a sense of responsibility, an expectation to give back to the community of home and a work ethic. These behaviors — desired by all parents — are the opposite of “spoiled rotten.”

But here’s the reality: Most children don’t do chores with smiles on their faces.

Getting kids to help out around the house takes years of training, starting when they are toddlers picking up their toys, progressing to youngsters clearing dinner dishes and leading to teens who feel obliged (albeit begrudgingly) to participate in household tasks.

The more that families make household duties a way of life for children, the more easily kids comply. But even then, children might show some attitude; parents might have to ask more than once; siblings might argue over whose turn it is; and there might be some tiffs and theatrics and a hard lesson or two. We may feel the urge to call our kid a “spoiled brat,” but losing our cool is counterproductive, so it’s best to stay calm and firm — and keep nagging to a minimum.

With small children, parents can work side by side and offer other support. With tweens, parents can say, “You don’t like being badgered, and I don’t like your heel-dragging. Let’s make a deal and figure out when this will be done.” Link privileges to responsibilities: “After you clean your room, we’ll pick up Jason and go to the park.” Later, that can translate to access to car keys.

While parents should expect 100 percent compliance on family responsibilities, they shouldn’t expect a joyful response — or a perfect job. When, what and how the chores get done is negotiable; whether they will is not.

Creating new habits
What can parents do when they find themselves with a child who does zilch and expects a lot? For parents needing to initiate new and better habits for defiant kids, here are some tips:

• Avoid threats and ultimatums.
“Do it or else” statements are like red flags in front of a bull and are more likely to arouse defiance instead of cooperation. A negotiated deal and an ongoing, working alliance will always be more effective.

When children have a pattern of not doing as asked, parents can announce a new policy. Let them know that you’ll remind them once and if they don’t comply, they’ll owe you “payback of time plus additional interest time” with another chore.

If the child protests the task of emptying the dishwasher, you can say, “I expect you to do it in the next 20 minutes. You’re right, I can’t make you. It’s your choice, but you’ll owe me the time so it’s in your best interest to play by the rules.” Then leave the room, because it’s hard for kids to buckle in a battle.

• Positive strategies work better than punishment.
Once in a while, we may have to punish kids, but a steady stream of negative threats doesn’t inspire cooperation. If we’ve already consented to something, even tacitly, it’s dirty pool and coercive to yank permission at the last minute. Often, we pull the big guns out of anger, not because they work.

• Flip the language and set up incentives.
Giving the child plenty of notice, we can make an upbeat offer like, “After you make your bed, we can get out the Legos.”

Think of it as translating from Greek to Italian. Instead of “Do X or you don’t get to do Y,” it’s “First you do X, and then you get to do Y.”

Steer clear of enticing a child with something highly desirable and out of the ordinary, such as a special birthday celebration, a car or a new puppy. This is almost always a bad idea, since parents as well as children buy into special things emotionally. Parents then have grave misgivings about withdrawing the offer if the child isn’t successful. Parents should never create situations (promises or threats) they’re not willing to follow through on, since it erodes their credibility. And they shouldn’t shoot for a goal beyond the child’s reach, since it sets the child up for failure.

The best way to kick-start a new habit or a new regime is to break it into chunks and use small rewards. Determine your “new program,” preferably with input from the child. Then, supply small rewards for small steps in the right direction, which are easily earned and easily taken away.

For example, for every day’s completion of chores, the child might earn TV or cell phone privileges. Third, adapt the program as needed, since we rarely get it exactly right from the get-go. A new habit takes time, repetition and rewards along the way in order for it to take root. Emphasize the positive, cheer your kids’ success and say little — no threats, no finger wagging — when they fail.

Tell children that you expect them to do chores, no ifs, ands or buts. Part of a parent’s job is to prepare children for the world, and the way of the world is: First you do your work, then you get your reward or privilege. However, terms are negotiable. Kids can be allowed some say on which chores, which deadlines and which rewards. This input can mean the difference of night and day in their attitude, because the kids buy in to the task through their participation.

Although it’s hard to give more goodies to an indulged child, it may be necessary. The child’s new regime, whether it’s sleeping in her own bed, doing dishes or walking the dog, is burdensome and bad news to her. That’s why we override their resistance (and ours to fighting) with the goody. If necessary, parents may need to revoke privileges previously given and make them contingent on task completion, and they should expect protest.

If it becomes clear in a few weeks that the plan isn’t working, call it off and come up with something else. If the child isn’t going to succeed, there’s no reason to keep going. Consistency is desirable once you have the new routine under way. Good parenting involves consistency and stability, but it also requires adaptability and innovation. In this instance, it’s perfectly OK to say to the child, “Look, what we’re doing isn’t working. We need to adjust the plan to get back on track.”

Don’t be discouraged if things get worse before they get better. Most indulged kids are very good at wearing parents down. Because tantrums have worked before, kids will not only keep at it, they’ll double their intensity — following parents into the bathroom, telling parents they hate them, threatening to go live with Aunt Betty.

This is called “extinction surge.” Their freak-out is an honest outburst, as if to say, “How dare you change the program on me like this!” The surge is their last-ditch effort to weaken the parents’ resolve and express their strong emotion or frustration. Withstanding their wrath can be awful the first time, but behaviors will improve once the child knows parents mean business.

The later we take action, the more inconvenient it will be, but it’s never too late! In the same way that brushing teeth is not up for debate, kids can acquire new habits and be trained, for example, to get up from the table and do the dishes. Routine is a beautiful thing.

Clinical psychologist Laura Kastner, Ph.D., and writer Jennifer Wyatt, Ph.D., are co-authors of three books, including “Getting to Calm: Cool-headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens and Teens,” released last month by ParentMap Books (parentmap.com/books).
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By Joe Romanowski

As current high school juniors begin to make their college plans, the souring economy and the credit crisis could dramatically affect their family’s ability to borrow for college.
While federal loans remain available, loan discounts have been reduced significantly. And private student loans have new eligibility restrictions, requiring a higher credit score or a co-signer. Today, it’s more important than ever for families to begin their borrowing plans for college now! The following is a refresher course for high school juniors on how the system works.

Federal Loans and Private Loans
Federal student loans are guaranteed by the government and feature lower-fixed interest rates. They can be used to cover the major costs of education, such as tuition, room and board, and textbooks. It’s recommended that you use federal loans first as they offer the lowest cost option and a greater selection of repayment choices.
Private student loans are education loans offered by banks and other private lenders. They allow you to borrow up to the full cost of your education when federal loans do not cover the balance. Private student loans are credit based and can be used to cover additional expenses, such as travel, lab costs and computers.

Certified Private Student Loans & Non-Certified Private Student Loans
A certified private loan is a loan that your school verifies your eligibility for the requested loan amount. This ensures that you borrow only what you need.
Non-certified loans typically have higher borrowing limits and higher interest rates than the certified loans. In addition, while the interest on certified private loans is generally tax-deductible, interest paid on non-certified private loans is not tax-deductible.

FEDERAL STAFFORD LOANS
The main federal loan for students is called the Stafford loan and has several variations:
Federal Family Education Loan Program (FFELP) loans: These loans are provided by private lenders, such as banks, credit unions and savings and loan associations. They are also guaranteed against default by the federal government.
Federal Direct Student Loan Program (FDSLP) loans: These loans are provided by the U.S. government directly to students and their parents and are administered through Direct Lending Schools.
Subsidized Stafford Loans: The government pays the interest on subsidized Stafford loans while you’re in school.
Unsubsidized Stafford Loans: You pay all the interest on unsubsidized Stafford loans, although you can have the payments deferred until after graduation

Basic Eligibility:
• You must be a U.S. citizen, a foreign-national, or eligible non-citizen and enrolled as a full- or half-time undergraduate student.

Interest Rate:
• 6 percent for a subsidized Federal Stafford loan
• 6.80 percent for an unsubsidized Federal Stafford loan

Loan Benefits:
• Some loans have a 0.25-percent interest rate reduction when you use automatic debit payments and receive electronic statements.

Fees:
• 1 percent origination fee
• 1 percent federal default fee

Borrowing Limits:
Subsidized Stafford
• Freshman - $3,500
• Sophomore - $4,500
• Junior - $5,500
• Senior - $5,500
• Total Maximum Loan - $23,000
Unsubsidized Stafford
• Freshman - $5,500
• Sophomore - $6,500
• Junior - $7,500
• Senior - $7,500
• Total Maximum Loan - $31,000

Stafford for Independent Students, or Students Whose Parents Have Been Denied the Parent Plus Loan
• Freshman - $9,500
• Sophomore - $10,500
• Junior - $12,500
• Senior - $12,500
• Total Maximum Loan - $57,500

PARENT PLUS LOANS
The federal Parent Loan for Undergraduate Students (PLUS) lets parents borrow money up to the full cost of attendance to cover any costs not already covered by the student’s financial aid package. Parent PLUS loans are the financial responsibility of the parents, not the student. If the student agrees to make payments on the PLUS loan, but fails to make timely payments, the parents will be held responsible for the loan.
If a dependent student’s parents are denied a PLUS loan, or the college financial aid administrator determines that the parents are likely to be denied a PLUS loan, the student becomes eligible for increased unsubsidized Stafford Loan limits. In this case, only one parent needs to apply for and be denied a PLUS loan. However, if one parent is denied a PLUS loan and the other is approved for a PLUS loan, the student is not eligible for increased Stafford Loan limits.

Basic Eligibility:
You must be a parent of a full- or half-time dependent undergraduate student and a U.S. citizen, a foreign-national or eligible non-citizen, with a satisfactory credit history

Interest Rate:
• 8.5 percent

Loan Benefits:
• Some loans have a 0.25-percent interest rate reduction when you use automatic debit payments and receive electronic statements.

Fees:
• 3-percent origination fee
• 1-percent federal default fee

Borrowing Limits:
• You can borrow up to the total cost of education less any other financial aid awarded.

Are Federal Student Loans Subject to Credit Scores?
The Stafford and PLUS loans do not depend on your credit score. Stafford loans are available without regard to your credit history, but the PLUS loan does require that the borrower not have an adverse credit history. An adverse credit history is defined as being more than 90 days late on any debt.

PRIVATE STUDENT LOANS
Private student loans (also called “alternative loans”) are used expressly for paying for college costs when other loans are unavailable. They are taken out from banks, lending companies or other private entities, in the student’s name. The loan payments can be deferred while the student is enrolled in school.
You may apply for a private loan on your own, but today, most require a co-signer. Since private loans are credit-based, applying with a creditworthy co-signer may increase the likelihood of your approval and may help you get a lower interest rate.

Basic Eligibility:
• You must be at least 18 years of age, 19 in Alabama and Nebraska, 21 in Mississippi and Puerto Rico. You must also be enrolled at least part-time as an undergraduate student in an accredited college or university in the United States.

Interest Rate:
• Between 6 percent and 12 percent

Loan Benefits:
• Some loans have a 0.25-percent interest rate reduction when you use automatic debit payments and receive electronic statements. Some also offer a 0.50 percent interest rate reduction after 48 on-time, consecutive monthly payments.

Fees:
• 0 percent to 5 percent

Borrowing Limits:
• You can borrow up to the total cost of education, less any other financial aid awarded. A $1,000 minimum loan amount may apply.

Private Student Loan Co-signer Requirements
A creditworthy co-signer is a U.S. citizen or permanent resident who is at least 18 years of age, 19 in Alabama and Nebraska, 21 in Mississippi and Puerto Rico. He or she must have a U.S. mailing address, valid social security number, and satisfactory credit history that includes at least 12 months of borrowing, charging and repaying. Co-signers may not have prior bankruptcies, liens, judgments, charge-offs, excessive 30-, 60- or 90-day delinquencies on any loans or revolving charge accounts. Co-signers, depending on credit, may also need verifiable income of at least $1,500 per month ($18,000 per year) and a debt-to-income ratio of less than 45 percent.

Are Private Student Loans Subject To Credit Scores?
Education lenders generally use the FICO score in combination with other factors to determine eligibility for private student loans. In most cases you will not be able to obtain a private student loan if you have a FICO score below about 630-650. The chart above demonstrates the average interest rate charged on private student loans

These are difficult economic times we face and those families who do not plan their education borrowing in advance could cost themselves thousands of dollars.

Joe Romanowski is the only certified college planning specialist in the Savannah, Coastal Empire and Low Country areas. He is the regional program manager for the American College Planning Foundation. He can be reached at College Funding Solutions, 41 Park of Commerce Way, Unit 104, Savannah, 912-232-7979 or This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
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Financing a college education is becoming increasingly difficult for many Americans, making competition for grants, loans, work-study, scholarships and institutional financial aid more intense than ever. Incorporating a little strategy and planning can increase your family's chances of receiving federal student aid and create more time for finding other ways to save money for college.
Any student requesting federal financial aid is required to complete the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) each year. FAFSA information is used by Federal Student Aid to calculate the expected family contribution, which is subtracted from the cost of attendance at the school(s) a student plans to attend. That amount determines a family's eligibility for federal aid.
FAFSAs for the 2008-2009 academic year are being accepted between Jan. 1 and midnight (Central Standard Time), June 30, 2009. However, don't wait until the last minute because federal aid is awarded on a first-come, first-served basis. In addition, most states and schools use FAFSA information to award their financial aid. Note that schools and states often have their own forms and deadlines.
Following a few simple pre-planning steps will help you complete the FAFSA more easily and faster, ensure your information is accurate and complete, and ideally save you thousands of dollars.
First, read and complete the FAFSA questions in advance at www.fafsa.ed.gov. Federal Student Aid estimates that first-time users will need less than an hour to complete the worksheet; however, it will take less time if you come prepared with all of the necessary information.
If you filed a tax extension, get your taxes done first. Federal Student Aid recommends that you do your taxes before completing the FAFSA because you must report your income earned in the previous year. You can save time by using certain tax preparation software programs that allow you to automatically transfer your tax data into an online FAFSA worksheet. "The College Student Financial Aid Worksheet in TaxACT Deluxe eliminates time and effort involved with completing a FAFSA worksheet," explains Leigh Aragon, spokeswomen for 2nd Story Software Inc., makers of TaxACT. "Other features also help identify tax credits, deductions and strategies that can reduce a family's income."
The higher a family's cash assets and adjusted gross income, the less government assistance a family will receive. So, in addition to consulting your personal attorney or accountant, Aragon also suggests taking the following measures throughout the year in order to maximize your 2009 tax deductions.
• Contribute as much as you can to your retirement savings account.
• Prepay state taxes before the end of the year.
• Contribute to a flexible benefits plan.
• Make energy-efficient improvements to your house.
• Pay down or pay off loans and bills.
• Sell bad investments by Dec. 31.
Third, gather your tax returns, Social Security Number, driver's license, bank statements and investment records. You'll want these documents for reference only; you do not need to mail them to Federal Student Aid.
If you intend to complete the online FAFSA worksheet, apply for a PIN. A PIN will give you free access to your information on the www.fasfa.ed.gov Web site and allow you to electronically sign your FAFSA. Since your worksheet cannot be processed until it is signed, completing the free online worksheet and signing it electronically is by far the fastest way to submit.
Following these easy steps will help simplify and quicken the process of filling out the FAFSA, as well as increase your odds of obtaining the most federal financial aid for 2008-2009 and in years ahead.
To learn more about FAFSA, visit www.fafsa.ed.gov. Information about TaxACT Deluxe can be found at www.TaxACT.com.


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