By Braswell Gamble
Q: My child’s new teacher happens to be the woman my husband had an affair with a few years ago. We got through it and stayed together, but seeing her every day is tearing me apart. I requested a transfer to another class but the principal wanted to know why. I don’t want to go into the sordid details with him. How can I remedy this painful situation?
A: I am sorry you find yourself and your family in this difficult situation. In this circumstance the most important person is your child. Children are always the most important people in any situation involving families. It may be that you are correct in requesting a transfer as having your child in this woman’s class is potentially confusing to your child as there may be difficulties he/she does not understand and they may blame themselves for something that has nothing to do with them. It may also damage the healing that has taken place in your marriage but that is the secondary concern.
You and your husband need to talk about what is best and how to make whatever that is, happen. If you decide that staying put is the best option for your child then organizing your child’s school life without you needing to see the teacher daily should certainly be possible. If it is that transfer is the best option, you or your husband or both of you will need to return to the principal.
It is also a boundary issue. It seems to me that there is no reason the principal needs to have detailed information about your request. Stating it is a matter of personal conflict and not frivolous should suffice. If he refuses, citing a lack of pertinent information, then you must look into policy and procedures for parental requests for transfers.
I am sure the school or school board has one. These days there are policy and procedures for just about everything. It should list what steps you are required to take and how to take them to get your child transferred. Of course the problem is that this takes time and for continuity the transfer needs to happen as soon as possible.
Your words do not indicate that you have gotten “through” the situation of your husband’s affair after all. Being torn apart and thinking about having to tell the “sordid details” indicates that you are spending time thinking about said details, sordid or not.
I strongly suggest that you get some counseling about dealing with the powerful emotions that have returned. If you and your husband received some couples counseling in the aftermath of the affair, I urge the two of you to return. If you never went to marriage counseling, I very strongly urge you to get some now. It is hard to move past painful events in marriage such as infidelity and having a third party who is a professional is enormously helpful.
Remember, it is your child’s welfare that must dictate the next step.
Braswell Gamble is a licensed therapist and nationally certified counselor who is in practice in Savannah. To schedule an appointment with her, call 912-231-8429 or e-mail her at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
Q: My child’s new teacher happens to be the woman my husband had an affair with a few years ago. We got through it and stayed together, but seeing her every day is tearing me apart. I requested a transfer to another class but the principal wanted to know why. I don’t want to go into the sordid details with him. How can I remedy this painful situation?A: I am sorry you find yourself and your family in this difficult situation. In this circumstance the most important person is your child. Children are always the most important people in any situation involving families. It may be that you are correct in requesting a transfer as having your child in this woman’s class is potentially confusing to your child as there may be difficulties he/she does not understand and they may blame themselves for something that has nothing to do with them. It may also damage the healing that has taken place in your marriage but that is the secondary concern.
You and your husband need to talk about what is best and how to make whatever that is, happen. If you decide that staying put is the best option for your child then organizing your child’s school life without you needing to see the teacher daily should certainly be possible. If it is that transfer is the best option, you or your husband or both of you will need to return to the principal.
It is also a boundary issue. It seems to me that there is no reason the principal needs to have detailed information about your request. Stating it is a matter of personal conflict and not frivolous should suffice. If he refuses, citing a lack of pertinent information, then you must look into policy and procedures for parental requests for transfers.
I am sure the school or school board has one. These days there are policy and procedures for just about everything. It should list what steps you are required to take and how to take them to get your child transferred. Of course the problem is that this takes time and for continuity the transfer needs to happen as soon as possible.
Your words do not indicate that you have gotten “through” the situation of your husband’s affair after all. Being torn apart and thinking about having to tell the “sordid details” indicates that you are spending time thinking about said details, sordid or not.
I strongly suggest that you get some counseling about dealing with the powerful emotions that have returned. If you and your husband received some couples counseling in the aftermath of the affair, I urge the two of you to return. If you never went to marriage counseling, I very strongly urge you to get some now. It is hard to move past painful events in marriage such as infidelity and having a third party who is a professional is enormously helpful.
Remember, it is your child’s welfare that must dictate the next step.
Braswell Gamble is a licensed therapist and nationally certified counselor who is in practice in Savannah. To schedule an appointment with her, call 912-231-8429 or e-mail her at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
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